Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Mission Control has Arrived

First off, I need to apologize to my legions of fans (all 3 of you). I have been absurdly busy with work and clocked in 55 hours last week and plan to do 55-60 this week. I will try to be more diligent with the posts. I was lacking for material but the mother load came when Mission Control dropped down from the sky this past Sunday.

For those of you not in the know, Mission Control is an elite tactical unit that is able to devise, develop and implement some of the most comprehensive battle plans that the world has ever seen. Mission Control has been behind some of the most important happenings of recent memory. They were responsible for locating and destroying the home of Uday and Qusay Hussein and rumor has it that they have been providing the paparazzi with up to the minute pictures of the now bald and never to be hot again Britney Spears.

Captain Cambodia killed 3 people within minutes of taking this photo

Mission Control has a simple mantra, "To work within the shadows for forces that you will never know about. If you find out, we will hunt you down and kill you". To the public, they are known only as The Black Widow and Captain Cambodia. Using my numerous connections within both the defense contracting and underworld, I was able to utilize their tactical operations for our cross-country trip. Captain Cambodia equipped The Little Civic That Could with a GPS tracking system as well as 4 high powered nuclear warheads. He likes to travel with some firepower "in case things go down".

Mission Control sat 45 floors beneath the Pentagon during our 3 day trek. They were in constant communication with Team Nicholson via cell phone, text message and The Force. The Black Widow gave Jessica a ring and at times a hologram would come out of it and she would speak to us in parables. I didn't think that it was necessary for her to dress and talk like Yoda but hey, to each his/her own.

According to classified documents, Mission Control thwarted three separate attempts on our lives. We had a close call in Texas after I cut off an 18-wheeler and he tried to run me off the road. Within 30 seconds, a black B2 Bomber came thundering out of the clouds and vaporized the truck. Needless to say, we weren't bothered much for the rest of the trip.

Rumor has it that The Black Widow was at the wheel

Mission Control will be here for the week and we travel to Honolulu via Apache helicopter this weekend. Be sure to check the blog for future developments.

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